U Wot M8?

If you've got porn on,
And you say "Go on, son!"
You're probably a Cockney

If a flight of stairs
Is the "apples and pears"
You're probably a Cockney

If all you could afford for your marriage
Was a Hackney Carriage
You're probably a Cockney

Oi m8 fuk ur girlfriend
ill fill her with cum
ill lamp u in the gabber
i swear on my mum

This One's Really Crass

There's not much to do while you sit and wait.
You can play with your phone or you can masturbate.
Although the former's definitely better when in public,
You might get arrested if you sit in the park and rub dick.

Especially if it's a stranger's dick.
The plod will come and take you down the nick.
They'll put you in cuffs and bundle you into a Vauxhall
They don't do much though, put you in the cells and that's all.

They'll charge you for indecent exposure,
I can't say it's worse if you do a romance explosion
But it might be.

I got away with it.