U Wot M8?

If you've got porn on,
And you say "Go on, son!"
You're probably a Cockney

If a flight of stairs
Is the "apples and pears"
You're probably a Cockney

If all you could afford for your marriage
Was a Hackney Carriage
You're probably a Cockney

Oi m8 fuk ur girlfriend
ill fill her with cum
ill lamp u in the gabber
i swear on my mum

This One's Really Crass

There's not much to do while you sit and wait.
You can play with your phone or you can masturbate.
Although the former's definitely better when in public,
You might get arrested if you sit in the park and rub dick.

Especially if it's a stranger's dick.
The plod will come and take you down the nick.
They'll put you in cuffs and bundle you into a Vauxhall
They don't do much though, put you in the cells and that's all.

They'll charge you for indecent exposure,
I can't say it's worse if you do a romance explosion
But it might be.

I got away with it.

Coke - By Adam Cooke

What happened to Coke with lime?
Oh we shared the best of times,
Better than Coke Zero,
'Cus that just tastes like piss.

I like my cola with a nice roast dinner.
I pour it on my roast potatoes.
Oh aren't I a sinner!
And it tasted like sugary shite.

Coke on a Monday,
Oh, what a fun day!
Not as good as a Sunday,
Or in the afternoon on a ship.

I like my Coke is Asia.
I also love Eurasia.
He rides a unicorn,
'Till the break of night.


But coke, oh coke,
As I snort you up my nose...
You were so good with lime,
You made my dick chime.

Professor Oak - By Damon Keogh Carey

Professor Oak,
You are a joke,
On your grandson's dick,
You shall choke.

I will powerbomb you,
You fucking Jew,
And bury your corpse,
Under a tree of Yew.

When you are dead,
I will give you head,
But you won't enjoy it,
Because you are dead.

So Professor Oak,
Who is a joke,
Buried under a tree,
With a sachet of coke.

I'm Fucking Partial to a Bit of Salad Cream

Last night I had a dream
It was about salad cream
If you don't like plain old salad
Listen to this awesome ballad

If you have a salad dream
I will gather up a team
To send you down some salad cream
In a giant laser beam

I do not like salad dressing
Frankly I find it depressing
It's not as good as mayonnaise
I ate it non-stop for three days


If you have a salad dream
I will gather up a team
To send you down some salad cream
In a giant laser beam

Salad cream is cream for salad
I squirted some right on a Mallard
(A Mallard is a type of duck)
I didn't even give a fuck